So, we finally got to the farm. AJ is already agitated because we can see that everyone is already there. There is nowhere to park, and he is panicking. We finally find a place to park, and run over to everyone else.
OH, NO!! There is a wild turkey. Walking around. Next. To. People. And the kids are TOUCHING it. I assure AJ that he doesn’t have to touch it. He can’t stop staring at it though. He can’t believe that people are actually touching it - on purpose. He is absolutely repulsed and overwhelmed. I’m hoping they start with the actual tour soon, because I don’t know how much more AJ can take. We just drove for over 45 minutes - I need to not get back in the car and go home now.
We finally get started. We first start in the “woods”. AJ is disappointed that it’s not a hike, but a very brief walk into the wooded area. The guide is telling us about how they tap the trees, and boil off the water to get maple sugar. AJ can’t stop staring at the turkey that has followed us over. Then the guide offers us some maple sugar. He puts the block on a tree stump to cut it. AJ thinks that is totally disgusting and unhygienic, which he announces loudly. Needless to say - he doesn’t try the sugar. I did, though. YUMMY!!
The guide then lets some of the kids try using the saw they use to make kindling. AJ believes that to be too dangerous, which he also announces loudly. Luckily, most of the group is watching the guide and their kids, so not many notice any of this.
Then we go inside to watch the guide make johnnycakes. AJ thought that this was interesting - but that the room was TOO HOT, which, you guessed it - he announced loudly. Then the guide added lard. Not good!! There was a promise to make vegetarian ones later, so a long speech on animal ethics was avoided!! :-)
During all of this, one of the kids next to me noticed my Olympic mittens. He started talking to me about the Olympics. I asked him about his favorite athlete - who was Apolo Ohno. We talked about when Apolo was disqualified, and whether or not it was fair. We discussed the figure skaters, and if we thought the luge was a safe sport . We had a conversation. It had a beginning, a middle, and an end. An actual end.
AND. IT. BROKE. MY. HEART. I so want to have a conversation with AJ. I want to look in his big blue eyes and discuss stuff. Important stuff, stupid stuff. Anything. Not a monologue, not just me saying “did you hear me?. I can’t tell because you didn’t respond.” Just a conversation. I know I should be grateful that he’s verbal - so many kids aren’t. And I am grateful. Extremely. But I just want more, I guess. And, I’m not going to quit trying to get it. Because my job is to keep trying for him, right???
But, there is one conversation we always have, every night.
AJ: “I love you, Mama.”
Me: “I love you, too, AJ”
AJ: “I love you more!”
Me: “I love you more!”
And that’s why I’m not going to quit trying.